The Simpsons - I Hate School Days
by Philip Glenister tomboy
Summary: Part of my series on The Simpsons episodes set in the United Kingdom. Bart really doesn't like school and "I Hate School Days" has the backstory of his rebelliousness in Springfield Primary School explained!


The Simpsons: I Hate School Days

Plot: Ay, caramba! I almost forgot to introduce myself! The name's Bartholomew J Simpson, but everyone calls me Bart for short. I don't why, but I like it. I'm 10 years old in Year 6 of Springfield Primary School and I _love_ playing pranks on people, video games, hot girls and getting into trouble.

MONDAY Chapter 1: The Start of Yet Another School Morning.

So I was sleeping peacefully in my bed when all of a sudden, my Krusty the Clown clock went off at 7:00 am.

Krusty (on clock): Hey, hey, kids! The alarm clock rang that sounded like Krusty as he gave his goofy laugh. Time to get up, time to get up, time to get up!

I hit the snooze button and yawned: Oh god. It's _that_ time again... Suddenly I fell off the edge of the bed and landed on my head.

Bart (groaning): Doh!

Bart (laid on his back drowsily): I _hate_ school days...

Anyway I woke myself up, shooking my head in a fast motion looking at the clock. It was 7:05 am then looked at the bathroom which is across from my room and then Lisa's.

Bart (fiercely running into bathroom): Oh, Lisa's not going to beat me to the bathroom this time!

Fortunately, I made it to the bathroom with the door locked, so _nobody_ could interrupt me.

Bart (proudly): Bart Simpson, you've done it again.

I walked over to the sink to open the teeth cleaning cabinet taking out my toothbrush and toothpaste to clean my teeth.

(As Bart cleans his teeth he notices his feet starting to tap and then snaps his fingers)

Bart (cleaning teeth): Oh yeah, I like that! as he continues to clean his teeth with his toothbrush (Bart continues foot tapping) Aw, crap! I missed a spot!

A smile came on my face as Elvis Presley's She's A Brick House plays on the radio as I continue singing to the whole song. Back in reality I finished cleaning my teeth, took off my pyjamas and headed for the shower.

Bart (singing): # The clothes she wears, her sexy ways. # Make an old man wish for younger days; yeah, yeah # I sang as I begun to wash my body.

I grabbed a bottle of shampoo and rinsed it on my head still singing # She knows she's built and knows how to please # as my hair almost turned into an Elvis Presley style!

Bart: (picks up the bar of soap still singing): # Sure enough to knock a strong man to his knees 'cause she's a brick house # as I danced in the shower. # Yeah she's the one, the only built like an Amazon, yeah # 36-24-36 what a winning hand # as I continued washing my body.

My eight year old lame-o little sister, Lisa woke up in her room as she looked at the clock gasping loudly. It was 7:20 am as she jumped out of bed running to the bathroom door, only to find it locked for privacy reasons.

Lisa (banging on bathroom door): Bart I'm not kidding! Bart, open this door this instant!

She banged and kicked the bathroom door several times, but nothing worked after a while.

Lisa (yelling angrily): Come on Bart, why did you have to do this to your sister?!

When I finally finished in the shower grabbing a towel to dry off before getting a clean set of clothes on ready for school, unlocking the bathroom door. I sang the end chorus once more: # Brick House #!

Lisa (screaming at the top of her lungs): BART SIMPSON!

Bart: Morning, Lis what's with all the screaming?

Lisa (confrontational): What the hell were you doing in the shower?!

Bart: Just taking a shower. Besides I've got to get ready for school and do you. I said with a smirk on my face as I tapped Lisa's nose with a bop.

Lisa (groaning): You're such a jackass! As Lisa went into the bathroom herself closing the door.

I chuckled to myself as I went back into my bedroom to get dressed for school.

Lisa (finds Bart's pyjamas calling): Bart, you left your pyjamas in the bathroom!

Bart (getting dressed): I'll pick them up later!

Just as I got my blue shorts, socks and trainers on, I went to open my drawer searching for my usual T-Shirt in the pile.

Bart (searching for T-Shirt): Where is it? Where is it? I pulled it out proudly. Ah-ha! There you are!

I put it on watching my Krusty the Clown alarm clock. It was 7:30 am.

Bart (worried): Uh-oh! I've got half an hour left before the school Ford Transit bus arrives getting here!

I ran out of my bedroom and slid on the stair-rail, but I crash landed on my head by mistake.

Bart (agitated): Oh, damn it!

I got back up on my feet, smelling something yummy running into the kitchen.

Bart: Woah, mama!

I saw a slim tall blue haired lady making pancakes on the cooker's hob. That girl is my mother Marge Simpson.

Marge (putting pancakes together): Good morning, sweetie. Are you all ready for school?

Bart (rolling eyes disgusted): Ugh! What the hell do you think, Mum?!

Marge (putting Bart's breakfast down on table): I made some pancakes for you.

Bart (blowing Marge a kiss): Love you, Mum!

I looked around for the syrup, but it wasn't there on the table.

Bart: Hey, mum! Where's the golden syrup?

Marge: I put a fresh tin in the fridge, you'll find it there.

Bart (leaves seat going to the fridge): Gotcha! Thanks mum.

Bart finds it, putting golden syrup tin on the table and then pours it with a tablespoon.

Marge (warns seriously): Uhh, honey don't use too much syrup because of the high sugar content.

Bart (scoffing as syrup is put on table): Oh, chill out mother! It's just a sweet breakfast, besides sugar especially gold syrup doesn't hurt anyone!

Marge (leaving kitchen to wake up Maggie): Well, I'm going to wake up your youngest sister, Maggie. Don't do anything stupid!

Bart (with mouth full): Yes, mam!

I continue to eat my pancakes, I hear Lisa walking down the stairs into the kitchen. I acted naturally and pretended she wasn't here.

Bart (whispering mischievously): _This is going to be so hilarious as hell_!

Lisa went into the cereal cupboard pulling out a box of Shreddies, getting a bowl to pour them in, a spoon from the cutlery drawer and milk from the fridge poured on her Nestle Shreddies as she sat down at the table.

Bart (in adult voice): Excuse me, Miss Lisa Simpson I would like to "ass" you a few questions?

Lisa (sighing): God, this is not the time Bart. If Mum, Dad or Grandpa come into the kitchen to see you fool around, since your voice is breaking into an adult one, you're in deep trouble!

Bart (sits down): I really don't know what the hell is your problem, Lisa. You've been like this ever since you got up at 7:20 in the morning!

Lisa (agitated): I'm trying to start the day off nicely, until you wrecked it!

Bart (frankly as he eats): Listen, doll-face you overslept. Why can't you be more patient?

Lisa (eating Shreddies): I don't know? Why can't you be a kinder big brother and get over it?!

Lisa gasped and stared at me for a long time.

Bart (nervously): I didn't mean to say that...

Lisa (snarling angrily): You... take... that... back... Bart... Simpson!

Bart (dropping 5 ice-cubes down Lisa's school dress): Hey! Are you cold or jumping around like a lunatic?

Lisa jumps around shouting, oh, god, oh god, oh, god (with ice dripping).

Lisa (shouting): Who did this to me? I'm really cold! Oh, god I'm starting to get goosebumps on my arms!

Bart (concerned): Oh, crap!

Lisa stopped jumping around and then charged tackling me on the kitchen floor where she strangled me. We continued fighting until Lisa bumps her head on one of the kitchen cabinets.

Bart (shouting furiously): OK, come on Lisa! You want a piece of me?!

Lisa then threw her bowl with unfinished Nestle Shreddies in at my face. Without noticing, the school Ford Transit bus stopped at our house and Otto Mann the driver blasted the horn.

Bart (dodging Shreddies): Ha-ha, you missed!

Lisa (coughing and spluttering before Bart does CPR): Bart I can't breathe...

Bart (barking orders like a parent): Yeah, you like that?! That feel good for your time out punishment?! Huh?!

Lisa, all of a sudden starts kicking me on my legs, holding my shorts in pain.

Bart (in pain): Oww! Jesus christ, what's the matter with you?!

Lisa goes to the fridge and starts grabbing a 12 pack carton of eggs.

Lisa (shouts madly throwing eggs): It's payback time, Bart!

Bart: You may have won the battle, but the problems aren't over yet.

However we heard a voice that sounded like our father, Homer Simpson.

Homer (yelling furiously): Bart and Lisa Simpson!

We stopped arguing looking at Homer with a hard stare and then we both gulped.

Lisa stammers nervously.

Bart (unsure): Hi-i, Homer, top of the morning to you?

Homer (growling): I was in the middle of reading my daily newspaper when I heard you two screaming!

Marge (with 1 year old Maggie in arms): What are you two doing?!

Lisa (waving arms up and down): Well I was trying to eat my Shreddies for breakfast, but all of a sudden Bart ruined my morning!

Marge (scolding): Kids I told you a thousand times, no fighting or arguements! We love you very much but you're not in a competition with each other, right Homer?

Homer ignores Marge as he is playing on his Apple I-Phone, giggling.

Marge (snaps her fingers annoyed): Homer, are you even listening to me?!

Homer (eyes on I-Phone): Can't talk now Marge, I'm playing Angry Birds.

Marge (leaving kitchen in a mood): Homer turn that off, come and help me with the children!

Lisa and I stared at each other angrily.

Lisa (furiously): You know, this is really your fault, Bart! I'm so mad at you!

Bart (ignoring Lisa): So what? Are you mad because you overslept?

Lisa (yelling as she heads for sink to wash her face): It's not about me oversleeping, it's you trying to ruin my morning!

Bart (washing breakfast things up): You're such a jerk, Lisa. I mean I wished you were with the Flanders family, ever since you were born 8 years ago!

Lisa (with family cat Snowball V petting): Good morning Snowy, did you sleep good last night?

Snowball V lept into Lisa's arms and purred happily.

Lisa (staying calm): Sorry about what happened this morning, I overslept because I could hear Bart singing to one of his stupid rock bands.

Bart (trying not to laugh): Lisa, what the hell are you doing now?!

Lisa finished washing her face with her Barbie flannel, went to find her school backpack and saw our family cat who is named Snowball V. All of a sudden Snowball V yowled and ran away from Lisa.

Lisa (cries): Snowball, wait! Where are you going?!

I tried not to burst out laughing as I grabbed my backpack ready to go.

Still upset, Lisa looked at me that she didn't notice Otto honk the horn of his Ford Transit Tourneo bus again.

Lisa (mad): What the hell is your problem, Bart?!

Bart (chuckling): Hey, hey, hey. There is no need to get upset this easily! I mean we could still talk this out nicely. Am I right?

Before Lisa could attack me again, the Ford Transit school bus began to leave. We gasped and ran over to the lounge room window.

Bart and Lisa (panicking loudly): THE BUS!

Then we quickly ran out of the house trying to catch Otto's Ford Transit.

Homer (calling as he plays game): Hey, keep the screaming down kids! You just made me lose and I got to start again!

Bart (on pavement exclaiming): Wait, wait! Otto stop the school bus!

Lisa: Don't go without us, please!

Bart (cries out): Wait, Otto Mann, dude!

Lisa and I tried to catch up with the school Ford Transit bus, but it was too late unfortunately. The Transit bus drove away until we couldn't see it.

Lisa (dropping to her knees on pavement): Oh we're STRANDED ON A PAVEMENT for goodness sake!

Bart (sarcastically): Thanks a lot, you barnacle head!

Lisa (annoyed): Just shut up you idiot!

Bart (calmly): Lisa, this is no time to be panicking.

Lisa (stressed): We're stranded, Otto's bus is gone, school's starting in less than an hour and it's all your fault!

Bart (scoffed): My fault?! What did I ever to do to you?!

Lisa (confrontational): You're a jerk and _you know_ what _you always_ do. You wreck my projects, try to accuse me of things and you've _ruined_ my morning!

Bart: That's because you _overslept_ thinking it was the weekend again. Geez, go and complain all about this on the Internet.

Lisa (serious): What?! I'm not going to do that, if you ask me why don't you collect your skateboard and move to Essex?!

I stood there frozen without saying another word.

Bart (exclaiming): Use my skateboard? Lisa, you're a genius!

Lisa looked at her watch, it was 8:15 am.

Lisa: Bart, we're not going to school by skateboard. I'd rather walk.

Bart (cautiously): Don't you want to get there on time?

Lisa: Er, yeah.

Bart (on his skateboard): Well then, let's go as this baby isn't going to ride itself!

Lisa (scoffing): Fine! Remember I'm only doing this for you.

As soon as we got to the busy part of Springfield town centre, I avoid the cars from hitting me.

Driver (shouting from car): Why _can't you_ skateboard on the pavement?!

Driver #2: Hey _watch_ where you're going, KIDS!

Bart (laughing): Cowabunga!

Lisa (gagging): Bart I think I'm going to be sick...

I didn't hear Lisa as I sped up my skateboard landing safely on the pavement, but kept on going.

Bart: Isn't this fun or what?!

Lisa (moaning): No it's not, we'll never make it into school on time!

Bart: Quit being a sour-puss!

As I went really fast I saw a lady leaving the Sainsbury's supermarket carrying orange bags for life full of groceries, but I then accidentally knocked her over by mistake.

Lady with groceries (crying out): Hey, my groceries!

Lisa (nervously): Sorry, we're in a rush to get to school on time...

Lady with groceries (madly shaking fist): YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS ONE DAY!

Lisa (sighing): Whew! That was close, watch where you're going next time!

Bart (riding on): Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lisa (protesting): You could have almost got us killed.

Suddenly I saw the bright paintings in the school playground and went on the entrance pavement into the carpark.

Lisa (exclaiming): Bart we've made it!

Then we saw several children coming off Otto's Ford Transit bus and others from their parents cars going into Springfield Primary School.

END OF CHAPTER 1

TUESDAY Chapter 2: The Lame Morning Lessons.

I got off my skateboard hiding it underneath my cloakroom hanger, just then I saw my best mate Millhouse hanging up his backpack.

Bart (waving to best mate): Hey, Millhouse! It's me your best friend Bart!

Millhouse (giving a high five): Bart! How are you doing?

Bart (greeting happily): Millhouse, _my man_!

Lisa (walking past): Hey, Millhouse.

Millhouse (exclaiming trying to hug Lisa): Lisa, hi there!

Millhouse ignored Lisa and kissed her on the cheek.

Lisa (beginning to blush): Oh, god!

Bart (rapping and beatboxing): # Lisa and Millhouse sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! # I chanted in a hip-hop freestyle.

Millhouse (shouting as he points the finger): Hey you stay out of this, Bart! Can't you see I'm _trying_ to get Lisa to be my girlfriend?!

Lisa (pushing Millhouse away): That's not happening yet, Millhouse.

My best mate Millhouse began to look at me nervously and asked for helpful advice with his girlfriend troubles.

Millhouse (nervously): What on earth is _her_ problem?

Bart (replying): She's been upset _since_ she got up this morning.

I went to hang up my school bag away on the peg, but I was greeted by a scary monster next to it.

Ralph (in his monster mask): ROOOOOOAAARRRR!

I quickly recognised that toddler-like voice and greeted in an adult tone.

Bart (in adult voice): Hey, how are you doing Ralph?

Ralph Wiggum stopped roaring and took off his monster mask.

Ralph (sadly): Awww! How do you know it was me?

Bart (looking at Ralph's teal blue polo shirt): Lucky guess.

Ralph (as Barts hangs up his school bag): Well was you scared?

Bart (honestly) I was _close_ to being scared.

Ralph: I'm trying for fearsome, but I'm just coming off as an annoying toddler!

Lisa gathers her equipment for class as she hangs her messenger bag away.

Lisa (thinking): Maybe if I _meditate_ after school, I _might feel better_.

Suddenly a girl with brunette hair in a baby pink chequered school skirt was walking to her peg to hang up a school satchel and was about to gather up a pencil case. Lisa recognised that girl, it was her fair-weathered friend Jenny Powell.

Lisa (greeting happily): JENNY!

Jenny turned around as Lisa ran towards her, the two girls then hugged each other tightly as they laughed.

Bart (rolling eyes): Oh-no, _not_ Jennifer!

Lisa (smiling): Jenny, you're back! OMG, I missed you so much.

Jenny (smiling back): I missed you too, Lisa! I bet you thought I _couldn't come_ to school today.

Then Ralph Wiggum jumps between the two girls and roared again.

Jenny (taking monster mask off Ralph's face): Nice try, Ralph. You don't scare us. You're just a very cute little kid to Lisa and I.

Ralph (complaining): Aww! I was just trying to be a good monster!

Bart (puts his hand on little Ralph's shoulder): Hey, I got an idea Ralph. Why not _come over_ to my house after school to play some video games?

Ralph (jumping up and down in baby talk): Can we play with Wiggle Puppy?

Bart (rolling eyes): No, Ralph. That's for babies! I'm inviting you to play my 12-18+ rated video games to help you become a better...

I'm still thinking as to what I call it in gamer terminology.

Suddenly at 9:00 am Headmaster Skinner rings the bell around the corridor to indicate morning registration and lessons are starting. He walks by and sees us hanging around.

Headmaster Skinner (holding bell): Well, well, well. Shouldn't you kids be getting to class now?

Bart (trying not to laugh): Shouldn't you be gay by now?

Lisa then pushed me away by the arm and he stared at me with a stern look.

Lisa (politely): Well, you try to have a good day Mr. Skinner.

Headmaster Skinner (to Bart): One more slick move like that and you'll be on a fixed exclusion, worth 250 school days you didn't turn up for.

Lisa (serious): Bart why would you do a thing like that? You almost got a 250 day fixed exclusion.

Jenny (agreeing with Lisa): Yes!

Bart (scoffs): So what? I'll just tear it up into pieces and do an arson attack on the school into hell.

Jenny (calls): You'll be sorry one day and live to regret your crimes.

END OF CHAPTER 2

WEDNESDAY Chapter 3: Lisa's Classroom.

Lisa and her classmates were waiting patiently for their teacher Mrs. Hoover to arrive from a whole staff school meeting.

Rebecca: I wonder we're going to learn about today?

Charlie: Maybe it'll be about the Victorian Industrial Revolution?

Ralph (hyperactively): I think it'll be about "Barney the Dinosaur"!

Mrs. Hoover came in and looked directly at Lisa for some lesson ideas.

Mrs. Hoover (politely): Lisa could I speak to you for a moment, please?

Lisa (standing up from seat): Me? What happened to your lesson plans?

Mrs. Hoover: Come here, Lisa I've been researching famous British cricket players; but I _don't know_ how I can fit the questions into one lesson.

Lisa drags her chair to Mrs. Hoover's desk with a lesson plan document on the laptop in Microsoft Word.

Mrs. Hoover: It's the start of cricket season.

Lisa (at Mrs. Hoover's computer): You would like my help with planning?

Mrs. Hoover: You're very smart and because of this, I will allow you to help me with finding some famous British cricket players; we can learn about them together and do research work? What do you think of the lesson plans?

Lisa then gets to work finding each famous British cricket player on Google, types up the worksheets, adds learning objectives into Mrs. Hoover's lesson plans and then prints them off to put on her teacher's desk prepared.

Ralph (singing loudly): # Old MacDonald had a farm #!

The rest of the class groan loudly as they cannot understand why Ralph is singing a nursery rhyme for children aged 2-5 in years Nursery/Reception.

Class (groaning): E-I-E-I-O...

Jenny (yelling angrily): Oh come on, Ralph this is embarressing!

Mrs. Hoover (sternly at Ralph's area of class desk #3): Excuse me, Ralph?

Ralph (stops singing Old MacDonald): Yes, Mrs. Hoover?

Mrs. Hoover: Are you in Nursery/Reception or Year 2?

Ralph (still hyper): I'm at McDonald's burger house right now!

Mrs. Hoover rolls her eyes at Ralph's erratic hyper behaviour and turns her attention to the rest of the class who would like to focus on their learning.

Mrs. Hoover (walks to whiteboard announcing as she writes the word cricket): OK children, we are in the middle of April and we are going to learn about cricket as "The Ashes" season has just started.

Mrs. Hoover: Here's a question, who scored a hat trick against England?

Everyone raises their hands in excitement saying: Me, me, me!

Mrs. Hoover: Allison?

Allison: David Willey.

Mrs. Hoover: Correct! Before we learn more about cricket, we're going to take a quiz.

Lisa (cheering happily): Yay, oh my god! I love taking quizzes! It adds more knowledge to my super intelligent brain!

Charlie (raising his hand): What kind of quiz are we going to take, Mrs. Hoover?

Mrs. Hoover (passing papers to each group): It's about the weather.

Ralph (scribbling on table): I like the weather! The weather can change my mood!

Mrs. Hoover (serious): You will have 20 minutes each to start your test, so commence pencils now!

20 minutes later after everyone has written their answers to the weather topic; Mrs. Hoover has marked each paper with comments, ticks, crosses and grade value as she passes to every pupil in her classroom.

Mrs. Hoover (despairs at Ralph's paper): As usual Ralph, 0 out of 20 with a lot of crosses next to your answers. It's worth an "F" comment I wrote.

Mrs. Hoover (goes over to Jenny's area): Jenny, 20 out of 20 with a well deserved sticker next to your comments, worth an "A".

Jenny (whispering): Yes!

Mrs. Hoover: A minus Lisa, you only got errors on two questions.

Lisa looks at the A minus comment on the top margin with two crosses against questions 19 and 20 on her weather worksheet.

Lisa (thinking): It's OK I'll research even better next time and proof read my answers to make sure this kind of slip up doesn't happen again.

THE END


End file.
